A Hollow Drum
by Caris August
Summary: X-ray room scene from 9x18. What was running through Arizona's head as she let her wife touch her leg for the first time since the crash?


**A scene that's been playing in my brain since 9x18. Basically, a retelling of the Calzona scene in the X-ray room with a bit added on at the end. Welcome back Callie and Arizona!**

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A Hollow Drum

It wasn't sexy to look like crap. And it certainly wasn't sexy to feel like it. Arizona stared at the X-ray sheets plastered to the observation board, but not really taking them in. She knew she should be concentrating on diagnosing this patient, _this kid_, but at the moment all she could diagnose was her own condition: major train wreck.

There was so much hurt inside her, so much bottled up pain. Not the physical, although the new plastic leg strapped with high heels was pinching quite bad, this pain, the pain that haunted her life was pure emotional.

It was a mixture of things, stemming from anything and everything since the damned plane crash. Guilt from her months of explosive anger. Shame of how weak she was and how completely selfish she had been for blaming the amputation on Callie. Stress from trying to appear stable and reliable every day at work… and at home. Resentment for being so slow to heal.

It still hurt, like a dull pain constantly throbbing inside her, and sometimes, like today, it got the best of her. Arizona knew she didn't deserve to get Callie's hopes up and then disappoint her again and again. It was unfair. But the pain held her from everything that used to make her feel completely alive.

That included making love to her wife.

"I don't know how to fix me," Arizona whispered to the empty white-walled room, feeling suddenly incredibly small. She shoved her fists in her pockets.

At that moment, the doorknob turned gently and she was suddenly no longer alone.

"Well… I told Bailey she was getting her genome lab."

Calliope. Arizona rolled the tension off her shoulders and laced her hands in front of her; she breathed a sigh of relief that it was just her wife. Arizona relaxed, now she didn't have to put her dimples on and make believe she was okay and full of sunshine to someone.

Callie chuckled, not able to pick up on Arizona's mood because she was still facing the x-rays. "She was so happy, she looked great."

Arizona barely turned and glanced over her shoulder with a forced smile, "That's fantastic."

If she had of been looking she would have seen Callie's grin fall immediately off her face, Arizona wasn't the only one who hated that she couldn't stop feeling so broken. "Hey, are you okay?" Callie asked.

"Yeah," Arizona said a bit too quickly, trying to fill it with as much 'perky' as possible, her hands retreated back into her pockets again, "I'm just… I'm really happy for Bailey."

It was pointless to lie to Callie, she knew that, but for once she wished it would work. Being a constant burden was something she never wanted to be to anyone, especially the incredible woman standing behind her. The woman she was supposed to support.

"No, you're in pain," Callie said bluntly, irritation lacing her voice. Arizona was constantly pushing her away. She marched over and grabbed a swivel chair, "You've been standing all day, so here, sit down."

Arizona shook her head in surrender, turning around fully for the first time since Callie entered the room and reaching for the chair. Callie watched as Arizona eased her tired body down and walked over to click the lock on the door.

"You know, I really… I don't want to keep saying yes and then not following through with it. Okay? I really don't…" She blurted, stumbling over her words like she was scared to say them aloud, then feeling stupid because not only was she broken but she could no longer form whole sentences.

"No," Callie said quickly, "I'm a jerk for putting pressure on you." She didn't want Arizona to feel any more guilt, she was already feeling so many other things. She wanted sex. She wanted sex with Arizona, but not at her expense. Not before she was ready. She knelt in front of her, forcing them into being eye-level.

Arizona fidgeted endlessly in her seat, and continued to babble on. It was more than obvious how much she was trying to cover up how uncomfortable her new prosthetic was making her. "You know what, I can try. I could try! It's just, I need to adjust this thing."

Callie knelt down with a sigh, "Let me help."

"Callie, don't," she warned softly, her voice dropping all emotion.

"I am an orthopedic surgeon. Let me try…"

Her beautiful wife was scared to let her see her for who she really was. Arizona had never hid herself from anyone before and watching as she tried to get out of letting Callie help killed her. After a dragged out pause Arizona bit her lip and nodded. Immediately, Callie was on her feet, reaching out and gently slipping Arizona's fingers through her own. Her wife let out a long breath as she was hauled upwards.

"Now," Callie released Arizona, placing her hands in front of her, "can you remove your pants please?" Arizona's gaze shot upwards and onto her face automatically, her mouth open. Apparently, she hadn't thought she'd need to strip in order to get Callie's help. Her shock made Callie smirk. "Yep," she said as Arizona shook her head in protest.

There was a slight moment where nothing happened, Arizona refused to move, but slowly she glanced down at her own feet and reached for her zipper. She cleared her throat and glared up at Callie. Arizona wondered briefly where the days had gone when she got undressed in front of Callie daily and even allowed her wife's own hands to work her zipper down. She didn't know why she couldn't let her do it now. All she knew was that undressing used to be fun, and now… all she noticed was how cold the room was.

"I got you," Callie murmured as she stumbled back into the chair. Arizona hauled her pants off her ankles with a pained expression and dumped them into Callie's waiting hands.

She placed the article behind her, and knelt before Arizona again. She knew the prosthetic needed to go even if her wife didn't, so with quick hands she circled the plastic leg and expertly gave it a firm tug.

"Wow, that's not fixing it!" Arizona shouted out, feeling the prosthetic slip off her limb. "That's, that's taking it off!"

She tried to grab onto it and keep it in place, but Callie gave another tug and the suction broke as the leg fell away with ease. Arizona kept silent as Callie placed the leg on the floor. She turned back to her wife with a soft smile and Arizona rolled her eyes, looking away as a dark scowl took over her features.

"Look at me," Callie whispered.

Arizona shook her head, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Look. At. Me."

There was a brief glance upwards in resistance until, at last, insecure blue eyes stared back at her. She looked torn; a deer trapped in the headlights, a child lost in the grocery store, an independent woman drowning in helplessness.

Callie raised a single hand, showing it slowly to Arizona. "I'm going to put my hand on your leg."

"No, Callie… don't," she whispered back, not even taking a moment to think about it.

Callie felt a brief stab of frustration and hurt; what did Arizona think she was going to do? Take pity on her? She only wanted to love her. Callie tried to convey that to her with only her eyes, unable to come up with any more words to comfort Arizona that she hadn't already said once before. And somehow, her silence worked. With eyes closed in resignation her wife nodded gently.

They both watched as Callie outstretched her hand closer, laying it flat against the warm skin of the leg and keeping it there.

Arizona gasped and her body tensed. It hurt. But somewhere in her fogged mind an old light blinked into existence at the touch. This was Callie's touch. Her beautiful fingers laying on her, feeling her, touching her in a place she hadn't allowed in a long time. It felt intimate.

It felt good.

"The prosthetic is not the problem," Callie said, immediately transitioning into doctor mode, "your leg's your problem. I deal with residual limbs every single day. It's…" She shrugged. "They get sore."

"Yeah," Arizona said, she tried to turn it into a chuckle but it came out in a moan. It still really hurt.

Callie moved her fingers, pushing down on the top of her leg, pressing firmly to remove the tension. A breath of relief escaped Arizona as she stared off to the side, every nerve relaxing at the sweet touch. She had forgotten how sacred moments between them like this were.

"Is that okay?" Callie asked as she continued the massage.

Arizona cleared her throat and nodded, "Feels better."

Her wife gazed up at her apprehensively as she tightened her grip, making sure she didn't do anything wrong. Arizona winced, feeling the muscles flex unwillingly under Callie's hand. "You know," Arizona said with a shrug, "I could give you a massage too."

"A-ha," Callie smirked, "with your girly hands? Forget it."

Arizona laughed at the response. It wasn't even that funny, and she knew that, but the relief that was filling her spilled over and so she laughed. They were acting normal with each other, even if it was for only a moment. There wasn't any bottled concern about what the other needed, or an uncomfortable silence. They were just being Callie and Arizona. For the first time in so long.

"Thank you Callie," she whispered, really looking at the woman in front of her.

Callie took note of the appreciation in Arizona's face, but brushed it away. "Hey, right now I'm Dr. Torres."

There wasn't a dedication that went further than this. Arizona's main fault was that she liked to bail, and she knew that. But Callie's biggest undoing was that she _loved_. This woman loved until it tore her apart, and Arizona adored it. She watched Callie's face, admiring the concerned eyes, the pursed lips, the high brows, and the supple cheeks.

"Calliope."

At the sound of her full name Callie looked up in shock. Arizona hadn't called her that since the crash, it sounded like music. "What did you say?" she asked.

Arizona smiled, eyes never leaving her face. "Calliope," she said again, reaching out and tracing her finger over that supple cheek, watching it flush red, "I called you Calliope."

Callie halted in her administrations to Arizona's leg, her sight began to blur slightly. "I was starting to think I'd never hear you say that again…"

Leaning forward gently, Arizona placed her forehead against her wife's. Never breaking eye contact except for perhaps a glance at those full red lips, she shrugged. "It's a beautiful name, it deserves to be said."

She grinned at Arizona's words, both knowing they were the same ones she had said when Callie had asked why she called her by her full name the first time. That was over four years ago. They were so young then compared to now, so vain, so happy. And now? What were they now? Callie ran her hand down Arizona's neck, stopping when she found the gold heart hanging there on its chain. She fingered the pendant, knowing the sister to it was around her own neck.

Now they were… experienced.

"_I have experience, yeah! Life experience." _

Now they were one.

_I choose you… to be the one with whom I spend my life." _

Now they were together.

"_I have a cure for a headache that doesn't involve coffee." _

Now they were supported.

"_I protect the things I love, not that she needs it… she doesn't need it. She's stong. And honorable." _

Now they were family.

"_Sit your ass back down there, because that's my baby in there and I don't want anything happening to my baby!" _

Now they were… loved.

"_I love you, and you love me. None of the rest of it matters!" _

Callie closed her eyes. So much had happened to them, so many horrible things. Mark was gone, she was in a car crash, they were in a shooting, Arizona's leg…

She looked at her wife who was watching her carefully and decided that getting here, to this point where she had another human being to provide for and share her life with, someone who loved her, someone who had changed her so much, someone who had changed so much for her was worth all the pain.

"What?" Arizona asked quietly.

Callie laughed softly, shrugging as she gave one of those blond curls a gentle tug. "You're just..." she tried, shaking her head, "you're worth everything… Everything bad, everything good. You're the one I've been waiting for all my life. I mean, I know it's been bad, but I'd never change it. You know?"

Arizona's mouth opened into a surprised 'O'. And then, suddenly, she smiled. Showing off those childish dimples, looking exactly like the Arizona that had followed her into that bar bathroom. "I know," she said, bringing Callie closer until she had her lips next to the latina's ear, "Calliope… I think I might be in love with you…"

Callie smirked at the teasing words. Leg and prosthetic forgotten by both women, Arizona cupped Callie's cheeks and hesitated before bringing their lips together.

"_I had a patient once who told me about his wedding day and how they asked all the married couples to come and dance one dance together. And then they asked the couples who had only been married a year to sit down, and then five years, ten years, and twenty, and so on. Until… they got to the last two couples. Two sets of grandparents, who had been together sixty years. Sixty years with the love of their life. That's going to be you two at our granddaughter's wedding, Callie, Arizona. Congratulations, I love you."_


End file.
